Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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