you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize