im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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