Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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