Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize