Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
