if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
