I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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