I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
