Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
