If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
