I just gift wrapped bread.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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