so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
