i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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