okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
