ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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