My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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