By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
