You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
