Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
