I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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