I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
