get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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