Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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