closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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