I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
