I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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