my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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