In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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