I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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