I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
