The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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