Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
