the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize