K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize