Kiss
Puke
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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