my mouth tastes like poor choices
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
