Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize