you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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