so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
