who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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