I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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