My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
