i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am mentally ready for anal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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