I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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