we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
