Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
