If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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