I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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