so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
