She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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