I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
