Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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