my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
