I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
