I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone shit on the floor
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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