i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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