i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize