So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
