why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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