I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
