My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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