ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
