explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
