Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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