I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
