happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
