i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
