i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
