know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
