last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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