Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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