He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
