I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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