My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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