She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
