i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
