You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize