DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
