No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize