And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
