I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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