yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My cat gives me a boner
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
