you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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