Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize