New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
