I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
