I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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