..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
